Ep. 74 - Networking the Right Way: How to Build Real Relationships to Help Propel You Forward - with Jordan Harbinger
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Jordan Harbinger, often referred to as “The Larry King of podcasting,” is a Wall Street lawyer turned interview talk show host, and a communications and social dynamics expert.
He’s hosted a Top-50 podcast for over 12 years and The Jordan Harbinger Show is one of the most popular podcasts in the world. On Jordan’s podcast, he deconstructs the playbooks of the most successful people on earth and shares their strategies, perspectives, and practical insights with the rest of us.
But before all that, he made it his mission to understand how to network effectively and teach people in the process. And it’s his mastery of this skill that’s led him to where he is today.
Many of us intuitively know that networking is important to do, but the idea of it makes us really uncomfortable. So what does it take to build and master this skill in a way that you are able to make real connections?
In this episode, Jordan shares
How his focus on making networking a competitive advantage led him to where he is today.
The challenges and misconceptions around what networking really means.
What it takes to build those authentic relationships that can propel you and your career forward.
Finding the Competitive Edge Which Became His Best Insurance Policy
Jordan had an unconventional career journey, one that he admits doesn’t totally make sense on paper.
“Yeah, I've had a weird career path for sure. Lawyer and almost, you know, went into the foreign service and then, worked on Wall Street and then, taught social skills to people and now, interviewing. I mean, I don't even know. It's like—it sounds like somebody who should probably get their act together, honestly, if I just saw it on paper.”
For someone who is a networking guru, he’s not necessarily an extrovert. At least, not based on the traditional Myers-Briggs test. Still, early on, Jordan observed that there were advantages for those who were outgoing by nature, so he set out to learn how to emulate that behavior.
After college, he decided to go to law school, even though he didn’t really want to be a lawyer. But, it was suggested by others and he could make a lot of money doing it, so he did it anyway.
He was used to outworking others, but while he was in law school, and particularly during his internship at a law firm, he lost that competitive advantage. Everyone was smart and hard working.
It was during his internship at the law firm that Jordan learned some incredibly valuable lessons from a partner, the rainmaker of the firm. This person was never in the office yet was one of the youngest partners. Jordan inquired about why he wasn’t in the office and the partner told him, “I'm out generating business for the firm.”
It was at that moment that Jordan realized this partner was able to earn more money than the other partners and control deal flow because he was getting the deals. He was actually more valuable than those who were sitting in the office and managing projects. He had a network of contacts that were giving him deals, so the firm realized it was in their best interests to keep him happy so he would stay. And he started to realize that most didn't even realize how important this skill was.
“I wanted to learn how to do that because he seemed to be the only guy in the firm that was doing that, which made him more valuable. And I thought that's something that I can learn. While all these other people are just sitting here with their natural smarts and working hard, I can learn this other skillset. And by the time they realize that this skill set is valuable, I might have like a five to eight-year head start.”
Realizing the power of networking and relationships, this set in motion his path to understanding how to network, which ultimately changed the way he looked at work forever. He came to realize that there was a clear gap in the market.
“And I realized selling things is one skill set, but selling yourself and selling your company is another skill set. So, I had to sort of create this blend of personal branding/networking/sales that nobody seemed to be teaching.”
Jordan’s continued mastery of networking, relationships, and human dynamics led to coaching others on how to date and network, which spawned his business and one of the most popular podcasts in the world, The Art of Charm, in 2006. But his focus quickly grew from dating to teaching people the right set of powerful skills to succeed in anything.
Continually testing and learning, coupled with an unwavering focus on delivering value to his audience, led to creating The Jordan Harbinger Show in 2019, and he credits the amazing network he built over the years as instrumental in helping to catapult him to where he is today.
His relationships have turned out to be the greatest insurance policy money could never buy.
What is (and isn’t) True Networking?
There is a common negative perception around what networking actually looks like because it’s tied to this perception of being salesy, self-centered and even manipulative. And for those who are coming at it from a transactional angle, Jordan says “you are coming at it totally from the wrong frame of mind.” The “always be closing” mindset people are employing is not thinking about networking as creating real relationships. But that’s what networking is really about.
There is also this misconception that networking doesn’t have to happen on an ongoing basis because it’s only a priority when they truly need something at that point in time. In fact, there may have been this notion that, if you’ve been in an industry for awhile or even at a company for some time, there could be this false sense of security. And particularly during these interesting times, we all realize how uncertain the climate can be. Jordan highlights that there is this “secret game” constantly going on where those who are more connected or who have great relationships will be at a competitive advantage to those who aren’t.
“You're not immune to the consequences, you're just being willfully ignorant of the secret game that's being played around you. And you're screwed if you're on the bad end of that.”
So this is a critical skill to master and have in your toolkit because it is your network, your village of relationships, that you have to build over time that will help you through difficult circumstances. As a result, you have to “dig the well before you are thirsty.”
Always Be Giving
To build that network that truly works for you, you need to have an “always be giving” or “always be generous” mindset. And that can happen in a very simple and even systematic way.
It starts with reengaging weak and dormant ties, and you can do that by just sending simple, personalized messages to ask how people are doing, without expecting any rush in response in return. The point isn’t about selling them. It’s about starting a real connection and, ultimately, a conversation. Start to think about how you can connect them to others in your network if they have a need.
For in-person (or even virtual) networking, make sure to think about the type of event you are going to and if the quality of the event will warrant your time. What Jordan has found that most are not helpful because they aren’t curated properly.
When you can reframe what networking is, you can truly establish your competitive advantage and create the work and career momentum you are looking for.
Career Advice
For people that are seeking happiness and fulfillment money is not actually what does it.
“I think there's a saying, being an entrepreneur means choosing which 16 hours of the day you want to work. It's so true - would rather do 16 hours a day of something I really enjoy that barely feels like work than to do even six hours a day of something that I think is brutal.”
Key Takeaways
Networking is not about what you get from other people. It’s about relationship development so that means focusing on ABG- “Always be Giving” or “Always be Generous” vs. ABC, “Always Be Closing.”
You need to dig the well before you're thirsty and not “network” when you need something.
Networking isn’t a one and done event. It is something you constantly need to do because you need to build a village to support you personally and professionally in the long-run.
Networking events are typically not helpful or useful because they are not curated properly. “You're going to be a target for everybody else who's there, who's probably just trying to get something.” So if you are thinking about attending, go to the ones where people are truly vetted.
To start networking authentically think about re-engaging weak and dormant ties. This CAN be done systematically and authentically.
It’s not about asking them what they can do for you, etc. The goal is to have people thinking about you and what you're doing so that you are eventually top of mind for opportunities.
It can be done via a simple, personal text with those you haven’t connected with in some time and asking how they are doing with no expectation of anything in return and when they should respond.
You should also be thinking about how you can help them once you do engage.
Consistency is critical in this re-engagement approach and can be done in as little as 6 minutes a day. (Check out Jordan’s free course that helps you operationalize this).
If you do reach out to people and engage in giving-focused conversations a few times a week for the next few years, you will build a significant amount of social capital/referral currency such that you will have a great network of people who help you. In the end, what you are trying to do is create that network effect for you and others.
