Ep. 121 - Beautiful Country & The Path to Being Your Whole Self - with Qian Julie Wang

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Qian Julie Wang is the author of New York Times Bestseller “Beautiful Country,” a memoir that details her life as an undocumented immigrant living in poverty in the richest country in the world, and managing partner of Gottlieb & Wang LLP, a firm dedicated to advancing education, disability, and civil rights on behalf of marginalized communities.

And her awe-inspiring story has clearly resonated with a lot of people. After publishing her first book — a nearly 300-page memoir, “Beautiful Country,” written on her phone — she received incredible accolades: an instant NYT best seller, one of President Obama’s favorite books of 2021, NPR’s best book of 2021, a Today Show Read with Jenna, and more.

I think the book is receiving this much attention because it’s really important. So, I was thrilled to talk to Qian Julie about her early childhood, how the struggle helped her find fulfillment, and finding the path to being your whole self.

Beautiful Country

Qian Julie Wang came to America at the age of 7 as an undocumented immigrant from China.

To make ends meet, they all had to work. Qian Julie and her mother both spent days working in a sweat shop in Chinatown for pennies. She didn’t understand the language, she didn’t know the culture, and she was in constant fear of being deported.

“Because when you're undocumented, there's only one rule that governs all of your life,” Qian Julie says, “and that's never to be found. And the biggest signal that I was an immigrant was the fact that I could not speak English.”

So she spent her free time in the public library; books were her friends and family in a country where she no longer had any. And then she came upon the biographies of Thurgood Marshall and Ruth Bader Ginsburg — it was the first time she saw that a woman and a person of color could not just be a lawyer but become Supreme Court Justices. “ So I finally thought, Oh, maybe you don't have to be white or a man... And I just had my eye set on that dream because, more than anything, I wanted to be a voice for immigrants and for Asian Americans.”

This single-minded pursuit to be a lawyer led her to Yale Law School. She went into corporate law, became a successful corporate litigator, and made partner. But she had this gnawing guilt... she was successful, she was a citizen now, but litigating corporate interests wasn’t what she dreamed of all those days in the library.

She decided to start writing her book on her subway commute as a way to heal and address the deep simmering pain from her own childhood, and so that she could find a way to share the stories of other children and immigrants who were like her.

When she completed the book, she realized “the story was no longer mine. The secrets were no longer mine to keep because I was a citizen. I had found the words for my story and I owed it to my communities to share that story... I wanted to humanize and give light to all of the layers of what it is to be an undocumented immigrant, what it is to be a new Chinese immigrant.”

But she still didn’t feel fully fulfilled after writing the book. She was out of alignment with what her younger self wanted, what she still wanted. So Qian Julie and her husband started their own practice to honor the dreams of her younger self.

Navigating the Unknown

“Beautiful Country” is a deeply personal book, but I think it resonates with so many regardless of age, race, and place because it’s centered on a struggle that we all face at some point: navigating the human experience of growing up and trying to figure out how to be your truest self.

Really, as adults, we have to unlearn the practice of hiding our true selves, from ourselves and other people. Qian Julie says that, as kids, we only know how to be our truest selves, how to be vulnerable. “Over time, we learn that there are things that we should be ashamed about, things that we should lie about, things that we should cover up.”

So one of the biggest challenges that almost all of us face in adulthood is unraveling our identities, our truest selves, from that shame and guilt.

And I think we can see that a LOT of people aren't putting up with living a double life anymore. We no longer want to be hidden, invisible, or masked. Showcasing who we really are permeates everything we do, personally and professionally, and I think that’s why it’s so easy for people to connect with Qian Julie’s story.

Every person can relate to struggling with living in a life of duality to some degree, whether it’s our work and home persona, our racial and cultural identity, or even our role identity. We want all of who we are to be integrated, but achieving that isn’t always so straightforward.

In communities of color in particular, many get stuck when it comes to being able to really own one’s identity due to fear and generational trauma, Qian Julie shares. It’s an instinctual survival mode and it comes when we feel fear and danger. But until we learn to confront the behavioral patterns that don’t serve our true selves — even the ones we formed to protect ourselves — they will just continue to evolve. And if you don’t address it at all, you’ll pass it along to the next generation too.

Qian Julie acknowledges that this is easier said than done. She understands the doubt, guilt, and fear. But she’s faced that, she’s pushed through, and she says it’s worth the struggle. In fact, Qian Julie believes that the more you doubt yourself, the more it would suggest that there’s something very unique about you vis a vis what the world expects of you. The doubt is a hint that your unique talents are particularly needed in this world because it doesn't fit into the common mold.

The Risk is Worth It

We are all faced with uncertainty. And moving forward into that uncertainty can be really scary. Generally, I think that’s what holds most of us back from being our whole selves. Even when we aren’t happy with where we are, even when we have an inkling we could do or be more, it’s easier to get by than to take a risk.

But what I hope you take away from Qian Julie Wang’s story is that the risk is almost always worth it in this case. There is a level of empowerment and fulfillment that you just can’t achieve otherwise. And taking risks doesn’t mean you’ll fail.

If you want to know where to go next, you first have to know yourself. It’s spotting those important trends throughout your career and life to see areas of opportunity to deliver value.

You have to test, learn, and iterate. Do little pilots to experiment with new fields, new skills, new people. Get data about what you like, what you hate, what you’re good at, what makes you feel like you. Then you can start to chart a path for your career and life that connects all of those dots. And that path will enable you to integrate all of who you are.

You can tackle the fear of uncertainty in the same way: break down what you have to do into small steps that are easier to handle and give you a better sense of the progress you’re making.

And if you prepare yourself to manage risk and uncertainty now, if you’re better able to embody your whole self in every part of your life, you’re going to be better prepared for adapting to a future that is not slowing down or getting any more certain.

And like Qian Julie shares, It doesn’t matter what the outside is or what the outside says, it’s what’s within that matters.

Definition of career and life success

“We all want a mission in life that ties in with our passions and our identities and our hopes and our dreams. That to me, is the most evolved, um, that we can be at the workplace.”

Key Takeaways

We are often seen as valuable when we perform and produce according to what society wants and doesn’t want from us. Yet sometimes the forces at play in our lives are pushing us in ways that we don't enjoy or want or need. So we have to be aware of that before we can move past it.
It will take a lot of effort to build new patterns and routines that are counter to what we’ve always done. But by taking these small risks, you can unlock a part of yourself that you didn't even know you had.
Taking those little risks gives you insight into what you might enjoy doing and it's going to be continually necessary in a world where things are constantly changing.
Testing and iterating on yourself (essentially performing small pilots), helps you spot the trends which many need to now do to craft the career path and life that they want.
- This ultimately helps you get the information about yourself to align who you are and how you deliver value to the world.
If you have already been able to rise above the various adversities you’ve experienced in one period of your life, know that this is something that you can absolutely do again, particularly if you are looking to choose another career or life path that is completely unknown.
To address the fear that comes from moving into uncertainty, break down those steps into small ones that are manageable and feel doable.
- Start getting used to taking risks and the feeling of being exposed. This can help you unlock a part of yourself that you didn’t know you had.
- Progress comes from getting through all the small steps that lead you to a bigger goal.
It takes discipline to truly understand oneself. It’s asking important questions like
- What do you want
- Who are you
- What would I do if I was not afraid of feeling exposed, or embarrassed or ashamed
It doesn't matter what the outside is or what the outside says, it's what's within that matters.